A realization...of sorts.

Do you know what I just realized.....I don't think I am ready for this.

It came to me like one of those cartoon ideas.....maybe a little less light bulb and a little more anvil to the head....but the awakening non the less.....It's not where I am living that I'm not ready for....but the scheduled work time, and the daily routines that I just can't get used to.....the wake-up everyday life of the man and woman in a suit, the coffee, the commute.

Its not like I am exactly doing that now, but that is the path which I am currently on....and it needs to stop. I need to draw my line in the sand and not cross over......

I need the bright lights, and the fast trains....the mohawks and couture....but that is only the metaphor, I don't want to "physically" live in it, I just want to "live it", no matter where I am.

For it to be my 9-5, the reason why a wake-up and go to sleep at night. Not the desk job with medical and dental, but the lights that shine in my eyes, the shyness when asked about my work, the speeches about why I do what I do, and the inspiration that brought me to that conclusion. The colours, the textures, the work, the walls, the frames, the prints, the spaces, the floor, the laughter, the music, the ambient buzz, the conversation, the reason for it all......

I love art. I love the way it makes me feel, they way my heart speeds up with completion, and soothes with accomplishment. The way I can look at one single spot for hours and it can change and mutate the way I see the world around me. The way a room smells when filled with sawdust from sanding a piece of wood, the smell of varnish in fine coats to seal a masterpiece, the physical nature of the components and their tools in a space that is all my own.

So I must own it. I must retake my place amongst the light and the laughter. I must do what I set out to do. I must remember that I will be among the greats who have found there soul mate in paths, to have a profession that makes me complete, that one thing that I enjoy waking to.

Little children dream.
They dream of one day being a firefighter, a teacher, a policeman, an astronaut, in the circus training lions, actors, dancers, musicians, and fashions designers. But as they grow, their dreams begin to melt. They melt into the social pressures and status quo, which land them in those 9-5 jobs, the "TPS Reports", the paperwork, the sleep deprivation. They have forgotten those dreams of their youth, they have settled.

But I will not settle.

I will not succumb to mediocrity.
I will be great
I will be me
I will do what I love
And I will succeed.

I will remember everyday the choice I have made to become the person I am, the reason I chose this path.
The path off the beaten way.

And I will try.
I will try and remind those who have lost their dreams to remember that dreams can be reality if you really want them to be.

A great man once said "Do What You Love!", may he rest in peace.
And he is right.
Do whatever it is you love and you will find that true happiness. Perhaps that nirvana of the east, that truly relaxed and zen like state.

So I will put my foot forward and chase my dream. However far it takes me I must follow. Even somewhere where the light is not so easy to find, and the wall space is not as prevalent. But in a place that I love with all my heart and am proud to call my home. No matter how far away I go, this will always be my hive, my point of return.

So I will go.

Into the distance.
Into the blue, I will fly.

I will remember why it is that I do what I do,
And I will never, NEVER ask why.

Avey